I sneezed out little carved pumpkins from my petite nose last night

Thursday nite I came home from work feeling like shit. I had severe sore throat, unbearable headache and weak muscles. As soon as I got home I told my husband "We are ordering in! No cooking!!!" After our dinner I popped up one tylenol pm. I needed it!!!!! 

Naturally I passed out while I was watching last episode of the gayest Project Runway which I had recorded couple days ago. 

OH BOY! Thanks to Tylenol! I had dreams! Zombies! Hot vampires! and A deliciously handsome werwolf!!! I think I got it on with sizzling-hot werwolf!!! I'm not sure I was under influence of medication.

In the middle of the night I woke up with the urge of peeing!! My stomach was swollen. I was very groggy and sweaty! My room was dark! I sneezed!!! OMG! I sneezed out little pumpkins from my petite nose---OH! They were covered with glitter. I realized I was HIGH on tylenol-pm.--- I liked it! :):):)

I barely walked to restroom. I sat down to pee. ( Yeah! I sit down when I pee! Don't judge me!!!) I peed almost ten minutes.  It felt sooo good!.

Alarm went off at 6 am. It was time to get up. I couldn't even move. My body felt very heavy. My husband stretched himself next to me. He hugged me and said "Let's stay like this for five minutes" That was the story of our every morning except I was HIGH!

 Tell me! Is it possible to fly in someone's arm? ---I don't know but that happened to me this morning. I was FLY--INGGGG!!!

I realized I wasn't in a good shape to go to work. In seven years I had never called in sick. Well! It was time! Not to mention Halloween parties were starting tonite. I didn't want to miss anything. I was hoping by staying all day home would cure me!!! There was no way I could miss halloween festivities!! I missed these parties for thirty-one  years! 

YES! We didn't have Halloween in my country. (Shit happens!)

 I had never knocked the neighbor's door and screamed "Trick or Treat!!!", when I was six years old.

 I had never purged beer at Halloween parties when I was teenager. 

OR!-- I had never sticked faux-spider web around my towel at West Side Club and given anonymous  blow jobs when I was twenty years old. All those fun memories were stolen me just because I was from another country. 

I missed all that!!! I certainly was NOT going to miss one more year. There were bottles of vodka waiting for me to finish this weekend!!! I was going to fight with this DAMN FLU. 

 Our morning was chaotic as usual! I love my husband but he gets tense while getting ready for work. Meantime! I popped another tylenol-pm. I couldn't wait him to leave the apartment. 

As soon as he left, I turned TV on. Here I was in my bed wearing my sweat pants, watching the rest of Project Runway!! LIFE WAS BEAUTIFUL! 

Suddenly I remembered to call work. With out calling my boss it can't be called "calling in sick". I was too tried to talk. I decided to text her, but something was terribly wrong! I couldn't FIND my arms! I mean! I couldn't feel my arms. 

Finally I reached to my cell phone. I texted " I feel reaaaa--ly badd! I will stuuy hume today!!" Text was full spelling mistakes!!!!! OH BOY! Don't you LOVE tylenol!! I giggled!! -Tee heee heee! 

I LOVED! LOVED! AND LOVED the feeling. Let me tell you something! Even Barbara Walters looked spring chicken to me! YESSS! I watched the View and I loved it. With my tylenol high EVEN Whoopi Goldberg looked like a real woman!!!! 

Although I was very emotional. When I saw Michael Kors & Nina Garcia picked that bitch Gretchen's collection over Mundo's, I cried!!!! HOW DARE THEY!!!!! F-YOU Project Runway!

As I write this I'm in bed still sneezing glitter pumpkins!! This is my best Friday ever!!!!! I just saw the bottom of  bottle of cough medication. Ooppsiiee!!!

P.S. Are you familiar to feeling like ....? When I stay home long time with doing almost nothing, all of sudden I get strong urge of masturbation. You know!!!.... I'm sure you know this feeling. I normally do it and get over with it. NOT with tylenol!!!!! I couldn't get it up!!! 

Well! As they say __"Every rose has it's own thorns!!!" ....

Click here to read  "Why gay man is superior to straight man?"

Touching the void, when the gays left the island....

Click here to see more spectacular photos of Fire Island

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Nobody told me "It gets better", when I was a kid.

Last Monday morning was very usual morning for me. I got insomnia like every Monday. I woke up at 5 am and put the coffee on. I turned on my computer and slowly started reading my emails. Suddenly I saw an email from my friend Bart Williams.  I clicked on the email.  I was very anxious  because I was supposed to call him to get together, but I didn't. Don't judge me!!! I was too busy at work. His email exactly was this.

"Hey, will you post a link to the music video I just shot and edited this week? It's a song written and composed by Jay Kuo and Blair Shepard called "It Gets Better." The song will be available on iTunes this Tuesday, October 19th and all proceeds go to The Trevor Project. We are trying to make the video go viral. "

Unintentionally I clicked on the link. I started listening the song. The more I listened the more I got emotional. I couldn't believe how much lyrics touched my soft spot. When it ended, I was frozen. My entire body was ice cold. I played the song again and again. I was supposed to go to gym, but I couldn't. So many memories popped up in my head. 

Yes! All my school life I got bullied, called names and even victimized once. Those years I thought the way it was supposed to be. I thought it was my fault. I was the freak of nature. I had nobody to tell me "NO! All these happening is wrong! You deserve to live your life the way you want to" Nobody hugged me and said "It gets better! Kid!"

Lyrics were brilliantly written.  Video was amazingly well done. Here! I was on Monday morning crying my lungs out. Not to mention my husband was on a business trip I was alone in my apartment just like my old days.

The song was like a sharp knife and tore apart my pink envelop where I hid my old my bad memories in.  I was still amazed I passed those years and kept my sanity. Even my own twin brother didn't want to hang out with me at school. He told me  I was acting very girly--- I survived!!! I learned to fight. I learned to find my way. And seriously it got better day by day!!

My favorite part of the song was when Orfeh sang solo. 

"There are friends yet to meet

 There are songs to be sung...."

"Don't give up! Your life just has begun! It gets better better better,.."

Her "velvet like" voice touched my wounds. I can't enough appreciate these young Broadway stars' efforts towards to this good cause. If one gay kid hears this song and keep going despite all obstacle of his life, it is so worth to all the trouble. YES! It got better for my generation. Is it enough? NO!

Now this magical song is on iTunes. All proceeds got Trevor Project. I urge you to buy this song. I bought not one or two. I bought SEVEN. So what!! It was still less than glass of vodka soda at local gay bar Bartini. Here is the link for iTunes. Please share this lick with all your friends, relatives and who ever you know. It is up to us to make our lives better.

P.S. Special thanks for my friend Bart! Thank you for this video and Thank for making my miserable Monday morning special! :):)

CLICK HERE TO BUY THE SONG!

Click here to read "Z reveals to I'm from Driftwood!"

MY House on Fire Island--Bonus Episode

Since summer ended, I was not going to post more pics of my house on Fire Island. For some reason I looked through the pictures of last summer and I got inspired. It was a fun summer!!
Next summer?! ---Yes!! I will be in the same house! Some housemates left the house for personal reasons. Some housemates got kicked out because of their misbehaviors. The best ones are coming back. Trust me! There will be new housemates you would love see their pics. Will see!
 I might do one more posting on last summer or not. Hey! That's my blog I can reveal what ever and when ever I want to. :):):)

Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm smiling, grinning and giggling! IT IS FRIDAY! 

I will have drinks tonite! One or two.... or FIVE!

Don't judge me! I soooo deserved those cocktails!!!

 I have no plans!! Can you believe it!!?

No birthday parties, No fall parties! Not EVEN a boozy brunch!!!

Just being spontaneous!!

Definitely couple museums and art galleries!

I might get facial. I don't know, something is sure. Wine, champagne and good vodka will be involved every aspect of my weekend.

How about you? Tell me your plans?

Looking for happy People

These days it is hard for me to see happy people around. I guess they are only on billboards and magazines. If I can get out of my deep thoughts and look up, I can see these happy faces. The problem I can't get out of my stressful thoughts.  

Last couple of weeks have been very dark for me. It was mostly work stuff. I feel like those miners. I have been stuck in a cave and waiting someone to get out of my darkness. I have been feeling helpless, naive and weak.  Do I need someone or should I push myself to get out of misery? I guess I should stay positive and take more control over my life. Hoping my dark days will over soon and I will see he light at the end.

Click here to read "First time I was so close to HIV! What would I do? Run away?"

P.S. Both images are taken by Z. Hit here to see Z's street photography blog "Z captures"

Going to my hot dentist for pleasure!!!

Tell me! Am I the only one hates going to dentist? ---I don’t think so. 

 Yesterday I finally headed to a dentist office after a year. My coworker had recommended him. She had said “He is a hot Russian” Well! That was my wake-up call I was excited on my way to the dentist.

It had been one year I hadn’t sat on dentist chair. There were always some excuses. Like! “Such a waste of time! I would rather have drinks” or “My dentist is a fat chick who exhales in my mouth”

This time was different! Russian dentist was dreamy. He could exhale and inhale in my mouth forever, I wouldn't even mind. My heart beat accelerated!!!

His name was Boleslav! What a strange name! It sounded like was made up. I wondered it was even in Russian. Like all the curios gay guys I googled it. It was a Slavic name. It composed of the elements bole "large" and slav "glory," hence "large glory." In use by the Russians.  My eyes popped out when I saw the word "LARGE". How large?!!!!!!

OH! I was sooo going to pass out on his large biceps under seduction. 

I immediately named him Mr. Large.

Anyway! Office looked very clean. As usual I had to fill out pages and pages forms. You know those stupid questions!! Have you ever fainted in public?- Are you cancer survivor?- When is your birthday? (None of your business!)  We all usually lie on most.

Come on! When did you respond correctly “How many glass of alcohol do you consume weekly?” Well I always write two! Tee hee hee! But I forget to write hourly!!!  

Morbidly curvy receptionist put ME in a room. I sat down on a dentist chair. I adjusted my position three or four times till I  got my sexiest position ever. .I also moisture  my lips with my pink tongue. The cutest guy got in the room. His name was Slava. He asked me couple of questions. I didn’t understand what ever he said because of his accent It felt he was just straight out of the boat from Russia, but he was sooooo cute. I communicated him with sign language.  

I kinda freaked out when I realized he was going to give me teeth cleaning. He was too young for that. Did he have enough experience?!!  What if I get boner while he works in my mouth ( I usually do in a different circumstance!!) I was struggling with the orgy of all these thoughts. 

He strongly ordered me to open my mouth. YES! MASTER! He bent over and got so close to my face. Sexy! His breath smelled slightly garlic. I didn’t mind! I could clearly see his two little pimples. 

Anddd NOW! He was in me! Sorry in my mouth! He ordered again “OPEN MORE!””Excuse me!!!! I don’t like bearing type man!!! I forcedly opened my mouth more.

Clearly I didn’t open it enough. I got yelled again!

"Look Russian dude! I'm used to open my mouth for big things. You are requesting something impossible!! That’s the reason I don’t flirt with black man!! They are always too big"

Slava asked me “Do you floss?”

I responded “Hayua! Mantaww”

“I mean excuse me!! Your fist is in my mouth. How could I respond? My mom raised me properly. I don’t speak when my mouth is full.”

I gave him my sign language. He took out his manly fist out. I said” I floss occasionally”

“Occasionally?! You should floss in the morning and at night”

“Slava! Let’s get real! I definitely floss in the morning! At night if I go to bed consciously, I floss too. Usually I’m too drunk to remember, I pass out in my bed with my clothes on!”

Aaaawww! Slava suddenly stick his sexy fist in my mouth again. Now! Officially I hate him! I hate his pimples!!! Not to mention his garlic breath!!! GOD! When would this cleaning end? I wanted to have my one-on-one time with Mr Large. When painful cleaning was completed, Slava tired to full my mouth with small x-rays. I mean I wasn’t used to bite plastics. I reacted and bit his thumb.--Don’t mess with me! Slava!! 

Finally!!! Mr. Large entered the room. HOTNESS! He was LARGE by all means! –You know! He sat next to me patiently. He examined my mouth. We were so close just like the movie “Endless Love!!”—I’m in love with  Boleslav!

 He was wearing size 12 Prada shoes. I told you man was large in every way!!! His middle finger was at least nine inch! You know what I mean!! Tee hee hee!  

He explained one by one what was wrong with my teeth? Basically he told me that my teeth were rotten. I was so close to die. But I was lucky to be here in his hands!!!!! 

I asked “Does my dental insurance cover all of these?Mr. Large responded “Most of them!”

“How much will I have to pay?” 

After nineteen minutes calculation and explanation he spited out the number. Mr Large said “Four thousand and two hundred fifty seven and fifty cents! But I will make an discount. You will just pay $4200!” and he pet my shoulder.-- I trembled!!! 

For that money Slava and Mr. Large must give me blow jobs every time when I'm there.. Was he kidding?? Who has spare $4200???? OMG! OMG! OMG!

I was so disappointed!! I told him I needed to think AND we might have to discuss this over a dinner!!!!!! 

After I left Mr. Large’s office our endless love wasn't that endless. I decided to get a second opinion.

 Does anyone know any hot Latino dentist?? I need to flirt.. I mean! I need to see one!!

Click here to read " Don't blame Mexicans! English is too hard to learn"

It was a story of two kids who loved each other so much.

Our story was about friendship of two kids. We clicked at the first sight. It was the summer of 1984. We both were fourteen years old. That summer you and I had so much fun. It was like a movie.... Honestly!...

I got your email this morning. It had been very long time I had not heard from you. First! I was worried. I thought it was a bad news. Not at all! It was a good news. in fact it was a great one!

After reading your email all sort of memories popped up in my head.
Remember! We were two little naive kids. Instantly we became best friends, even though we were toatlly different two persons. Everything about us was different. You were taller and stronger than me. I was very skinny and flamboyant. That summer we never separeted. You tired to teach me to play football. I clearly wasn't good at it. I played just to make you happy. Hhmm! That summer was like a movie...

Those guys bullied at me. They called me little faggot. You defended me. You were strong, confident and very handsome. I depended on you. I was proud.

 You sneaked out your father's beer and I took my mother's half open pack of cigarette. Tee hee hee!-- Funny! One bottle beer made us drunk. I put my head on your shoulder. We looked up to stars. Moon was bright that night. We lit our cigarettes. Mine made me cough, but you were like a  strong man. You showed me how to inhale the cigarette even if it was your first time... We laughed, laughed and laughed... It was like a novel...

I have never forget when you got cold. I stayed in your room all night. We talked very long time. You asked me what you were wearing when we met. I said I didn't remember. You got little mad. I lied to you that night. I remembered! 

I still remember. You were wearing a navy t-shirt and white and red pin stripe. I just didn't want to tell. Please! Don't ask why!... Uugghh! That summer was like a movie.... Seriously...

That night I played with tarot cards. I wanted to know if our friendship was forever. You gave a little kiss on my cheek and said "Don't be silly! Of corse it is forever"... Aahh! The things we lived together were beautiful. They are special...

Last time I saw you was four years ago. Most of your hair was gone. There were wrinkles on your forehead, but your eyes were the same. Big black, bright and joyful!!! Still! you were very handsome! We talked, talked and talked...

Yes! I thought about us after reading your email. I was happy for you. You became father second time. You said you gave my name to your newborn boy. I filled with a sudden joy. Thank you!!! 

One thing made me very sad. You asked me on your email when I would have a family and become father. I wanted to write to you that I had already family. I had my husband. I froze!

 Ugggh! I just cried, cried and cried. I didn't want to tell you. I was afraid you wouldn't understand. It would ruin our friendship. I just wanted to keep the way it was.

I miss our friendship. It was naive, vulnerable and pure. I miss everything. I miss you...

Click here to read "It was my first christmas ever and changed my life forever"

Z captures RANDOM HOTTIES!

I have been in very photography mood for very long time. I guess it was the result of taking photography classes. In couple days I will be back with my writing. Will be story funny? Will see...

Click here to see Z's street photography blog "Z captures"