I LOVE YOOUUUUU!


YES! YES! I said it “I love youuu!!”
 I wish I had NOT said it!!!
“I love yoouuu!”…
Hear me out! My story started couple weeks ago at work.

It was a hot summer Thursday. It was almost 100 degree. Our HR announced that they were going to do training for three hours. GOD! Three hours meeting without liquor??!!!  Not even cosmopolitan would be served? Who does that!?!?!

Anyway training title was “How full is your bucket?” In short, how people become optimistic and happy without loosing touch with reality. (Yawnnn!) If you are happy , you are bucket is full. If not, your bucket is empty. Whatever!

One of subjects unknowingly got stuck in my head. It was “Tell people around you that you love them” WTF!!! I can’t walk around saying “I love youuu!!”
What if there is someone I don’t even like. What should I say “I hate youuu”

After seminar I forgot all about it. Finally weekend arrived! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
I took the train to gay-land Fire Island. Suddenly life was beautiful for me. My bucket was very full. After a boozy Friday nite I woke with a severe headache!! Life suddenly sucked for me! My bucket had a hole at the bottom.

OK! OK! Be patient! I’m coming to main part of my story!
.
As every Saturday afternoon I was walking to middle tea where gay boys have couple of drinks and dance little bit. Middle tea is normally around 8 pm. So I was still conscious but deliciously drunk.
I saw one of my friends on the way. We jumped onto dance floor. After two vodka soda (I meant five vodka soda!) I got into one of those moods. You know! You are so drunk and you are in between passing out and hallucinating mood.--- I LOVE THAT MOOD!

I started remembering things about seminar and at the same time I was dancing my ass off. Yeah! I can multi task! PEOPLE!
I suddenly turned to my friend and said  I love youuu!  “I stared at his eyes sharply. No respond for couple of seconds. SILENCE!...
And than he said “You are so cute!” G

Whaaaaatt?! BITCH! Can’t you tell me?? “I love you too!” What are you afraid of!! Gggrrr!!! I should have taken back!!! But how?? I realized my friend pooped on my empty bucket!!
It was very upsetting! Well! I have to tell you cheap house vodka was the best medication for my hurt heart” I just kept drinking.

As soon as middle tea ended, I walked back home unconsciously yelling “I love youuuu! --HICK!--I love YOUUU- HICK!” Every gay boy I bumped into on the way back I said with my whispering voice "i love yoouuu! Hsssh!" I was under impression my whispering voice was sexy! Clearly I was wrong! WHAT A MESS!

Following morning when I woke up, I couldn't move in my bed! Uggghh! My head!!! Despite my splitting headache and upset stomach I thought about what happened last night. Shocking right? Can someone think in that condition? Yes I can!! 

I said to myself “Why so many people are so afraid to express their feelings? I mean I loved our friendship and I spitted out. Why couldn’t that bitch say back “I love youuu too”?-- WHAT A CUNT!”
 Despite awhat happened I still love him. We are still good friends. I only use this story against to him, so he buys me free drinks .

Hey! My cuntie friend ! If you are reading this story, just let you know I will milk this forever.
I LOVE YOUUUU! And you know I’m so cute!!! --Tee hee hee!

Boy soup!

Recently A pool party turned into boy soup on Fire Island. Party was so crowded. I was literally surrounded hot, nude bodies. Let's pictures tell you the hotness of party!


Z whispers---My freedom of religion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was at a brunch with bunch of gay guys. You know! One of those brunch either mimosa or bloody mary was unlimited. Well! My friends and I were taking complete advantage of the situation. Suddenly! My cell phone rang. I look at the number! GOD! It was MOM! How inappropriate this was? She was calling in the middle of my FUN!

"Hello Mother! Couldn't you sleep? What time is it over there? Midnight?"
"No! I couldn't sleep! I was wondering if you are fasting. Do you know!!! It is Ramadan!"
I chocked on...
I said " Yes! Yes!" while I was gulping down delicious mimosa!
"Good! Good! Don't you eat pork!! OK?"
I chocked on again...
I responded " NO! NO! Well I gotta go! I'm at work!" while I was stuffing a piece canadian bacon in my mouth.
"But!? It is Sunday!!"
"I love you too! Call you tomorrow!" I hung up!
As you know  recently the biggest subject is "Freedom of religion!" 
Well! I believe in that too. Everyone can believe and practice any religion as long as they don't step on my new gucci shoes.
If you step onto those, I will bark!!! Gggrr!

Are you asking me about Mosque near to Ground Zero?
I will say "You are stepping onto my new gucci shoes!!"

Just leave it here! 
I gotta go! I have a life to run and bottles of grey goose to finish!

Z whispers "Black Party director Vance Garrett!"

I always wonder how Black Party director Vance Garrett started creating these fabulous gigs. Couple months ago I asked him. He asked him to follow him one night. He took me to Splash Bar where he staged fetish acts once a week. It was very eye opening for me. First time I saw  backstage of Splash Bar where the dancers got ready for the shows. While Vance was preparing hot dancers, I asked him couple questions. I was so curious how Vance started at very young age creating one of the biggest gay parties.  

"I started working on the events about six years ago when I met Stephen Pevner, the producer of the Saint At Large, through a short-lived PR job as I was questioning what I wanted to do with my theatre career. I had been assessing how I wanted direct my creative ambitions-transitioning out of gigging and auditioning for other people’s projects (as an actor, dancer, and aerialist). Since I had this strong theatre and circus/dance background and had been bartending for many of the bigger events in town between shows, Stephen and I had much to discuss about the trajectory of live experiences, and he opened a door for me. I started as part of the Saint At Large press team, transitioned into assisting with the direction of the productions, to now, most recently, writing and directing the experiences."

Meanwhile there was little drama right before the show at Splash Bar. One of the dancers was extremely late. Vance was very calm. I thought how on earth he was going to fix this. He immediately re-wrote the first act. Damn!!! No wonder he could put 16 hours shows for Black Party so easily. I asked him how someone could come up all those mind blowing Black Party shows? Was there extensive search involved in the creative process? 

"BP can be a hybrid of grand theatre, dance party, carnival, and circus-and probably a political play-and each of those worlds offers up a lot of ideas and tools. I get ideas from choreographers, off-the-radar theatre, some of the seedier corners of New York, and everywhere in between-traveling, walking down the street, exploring unfamiliar music..watching how people behave at parties and so on. I listen as best I can. The research is ongoing, and I do have to keep up with what’s happening at the front of the theatre and club scene ....as well as the general zeitgeist of the community. I spent a couple of decades in different forms of live productions and years on both sides of the bar in clubland-a great vantage point for observing how people work socially. At its simplest though, I just remember what’s fascinated me since I was a kid...and use the resources now of an adult to bring them to life"

Still It was fascinating for me to be involved with such a big production. Of course there gotta be so many difficulties, challenges and dramas along the way. Come on! Someone couldn't put 16 hours show just like that.-- Could Z get some dirt here?




Vance said "I suppose some of the the biggest challenges are keeping the momentum growing and evolving from beginning to end, keeping it awake by establishing different acts, knowing what you can control and being clear about what you can’t. An event with thousands of people has a life of its own, and the last thing I want is for a party is to feel like it’s too tightly controlled. Also, it requires a rock-solid team that is unquestionably able to collaborate and communicate step-by-step. In a room with ear-piercing music, simply getting messages across to the team in the room is a huge challenge, but we do it."


These days Vance Garrett rules Fire Island. He is the entertainment director of all the shows, low tea, high tea, Pavilion etc. I asked with my popping eyes "Vance! How did you land on this gig"

"I actually met one of the new owners, Andrew Kirtzman, over coffee with an old dancer friend from Chicago who happened to be boyfriend’s with Andrew’s boyfriend’s twin (also both dancers). Make sense? We started talking right as he was acquiring the property, and we had a lot to discuss about nightlife, the island, events, what makes a dance, and so on. ...and we just took it from there..."

Boy! New owners of Fire Island hired him. Well! As everyone I'm curious how owners are. Everyone  complained about previous owner Eric. How about these new ones?

"They complement each other really well, each having different relationships and experiences with the island, so their strength may be in being able to see it from multiple dimensions. Undoubtedly, they’re as passionate as it gets, and I think that’s a fantastic place to get the ball rolling."

As every gay Fire Islander I see  so many new things on the island. Most of them are very positive changes.
Vance agrees "We’re working hard on some exciting new elements-making use of the pool deck, reviving the Pavilion (integrating multimedia elements), literally scouring the globe for hot new DJs and making lots of room for the beloved ones who have brought us this far.. .Much of what we’re doing is opening up space and knocking down walls so people can bring what they want to the table."

When ever I see Vance on the island, he is always multi tasking. He constantly is on the blackberry texting, emailing and calling some people. Even if we are good friends, I can't chat with him more 5 minutes (Yes! Vance! Z is complaining!!)  It must be brutal to arrange all those shows.Let's ask Vance!

"There are seventeen events on any given weekend, and unlike Black Party or some of the bigger productions, there’s no time to script these babies out. Communicating with the whole team, being responsive to change, trusting our intuition, maintaining a sense of humor, pacing ourselves, and working with the support of the community will be very important."

Man! 17 events! One weekend!!! Plus so many drunk, fun gays! Is there time to mingle for Vance? I mean I know but I'm sure everyone wonders if Vance is single. 
"Oppss! Seriously! Vance! Is there a lucky boy in the picture?" 




Well! Vance says " What would Tony Kushner say? --The smallest indivisible human unit is two people, not one; one is a fiction"

"Hmmmm! Anyway! What is next for Vance Garrett? Is there an amazing production right after summer?"

"I’m writing every chance I can, delving deeper into that mash-up world of theatre, spectacle, and nightlife-very much looking forward to producing and directing a few this year. I just want to create the best experiences I can. Who knows yet if Broadway is the best place to house them? Keep your ear to the ground for some events playing with the movie-going experience as well as fashion...and hold on tight for Halloween. Did I mention my performer bug is also starting to bite again? “Something wicked this way comes...”

Honestly! We are still at the peak of summer season. You will see Vance around Pines all the time. He will keep producing to make our Pines experience more fun. He will be busy, busy and busy the rest of the summer.

Well! Boys! Z whispered again!!!


My house on Fire Island--Episode 5


After a tense week of course hot tub makes my housemate relax. Hot tub is crucial for our lives! :)


Well! Swimming pool always works for a hot summer. We love to hang out and sip drink by the pool.

Most my housemates sleep till noon or later. I'm the only wakes up with dawn. I enjoy calm mornings and being by myself.

              
   Couple of late afternoon drinks right before low tea taste much better than ever! 

Clearly someoof us can't make the low tea. Well! They can always catch high tea at least :)


Weekend ends but me & my blue flower are exhausted but filled with good memories.
Good bye till other episode!
Only on Fire Island boys! Only on Fire Island!

How a DJ pooped on everyone's Pines Party

The biggest charity event of Fire Island was taken place last weekend. Pines Party is a benefit  to raise money for our precious island and Stone Wall Foundation. Since 1999 Pines Party became a world class party. Tickets were $180 each at the door. YEAH! It was fucking expensive!  Well! It was for good cause so all gay boys loved to attend. Party set up was great.-- hot gay boys, open bar and beach!! What could possibly go wrong?? You would think party would be FUN, FUN and FUN!-- Unfortunately this year party SUCKED!!!
It sounds bizarre that a party on the beach could suck! I know!!!  But something went really wrong. That something was called DJ Warren Gluck!
Well! Some dinosaur DJ took the stage! Before then party had been perfectly fine. All of a sudden this old guy started playing some odd remixes. First we all thought he was just getting starting like warming up his muscles. After a while music got worse and worse. OMG!! Is he fucking kidding us?? 
How can I explain? Music was like Broadway tunes remixed with noises of pots, pans and ladle. It sounded frightening!!
The songs he played were from 70’s which nobody knew.
After a while everyone was standing on dance floor looking each other what the F happened to music. At some point people started shouting at DJ. Music was nerve wracking. I remember I started laughing from nervous breakdown.  Some gay guys were biting their. The rest got their therapists on the phone!! 
Finally they kicked him from DJ boot. DJ Wayne G took over. THANKS to disco god!! Music turned  normal again. And guess what!!! Dinosaur DJ came back after 23 minutes. WTF!!! Talking about herpes!!!
At these days how hard would it play good music?? Everyone can download every song and remix easily!! Plus they are FREE. How an experienced DJ could play the worst songs back to back to ruin everyone’s night??? Was it something wrong this guy? I don’t know!! Certainly he made the night miserable for everyone.
I guess it is a talent to play that bad since even my nine years old nephew can play the best songs. Here is 10 THINGS a DJ should do to poop on gay boys night
  
1) Pick THE oddest show tunes and remix them with noises of tingling, ringing and  whistling. 
2) Play the songs sounds like elephant’s fart
3) When crowd starts shouting at you “Booo! Booo!” Pretend to be deaf. Keep the bad music cranking!
4) Stay out of touch of reality! When they ask you who Kelly Rowland is, say “Ughh?! Kelly? Who?”
5)  When you get booted out from DJ boot, think you are hallucinating and come back after 20 minutes. Play the same nerve wracking shit!!!
6)  Don’t care about anyone's fun; keep playing the songs for Jurassic Park. Most importantly be selfish play for yourself!
7)  Stuck with nostalgia and play in the middle of the night Love Boat with scary, Halloween like remix. Expect people to shake their hips with it.
8)  Pick one of the best song of summer 2010! (like Happiness!) Take out the instrumental part and make us listen lyrics over and over AGAIN! Like a disturbing poem!
9)  Play remixes never end like twenty minutes. After twenty minutes realize gay boys are yawning, play very slow song with big fat husky woman screaming top of her lungs which sounds like my cranky aunt to wake up sleepy boys!
10)  Once people start leaving and cursing at your face. Play dumb! Give them thumbs up!  Don't give a shit what people thinks. 
Honestly if this party was for good cause, I would definetely ask money back. Screw!! At least money goes to good places (hopefully)  I don't know about next year, my ears burned once!!
Expect couple hours of inconvenience (Thanks to tasteless DJ) Weekend was so much FUN. Weather was great. Here is a video summons up this amazing weekend. Courtesy of my friend Colin G. 

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