Z reveals-:):): April 2010

YAY! I won my very first fart race!

I have been very much into cardio recently. Running on treadmill relaxes me a lot. Not to mention I shed quickly my winter fat.I sweat like a pig during cardio. It is perfect for detoxication. I don't know you but I fart excessively too during this action.

Seriously! For some reason either my metabolism accelerates or my intestines expand, I fart very nicely. OMG! Cardio machine is my favorite place to flatulate! I love the idea nobody can hear my explosive blasts. Thanks to ipods!!

I fart so good on the treadmill. Even I'm amazed. I congratulate myself sometimes "OH Z! That one was really good! Great job Z!". I try always fart better and improve my techniques.

One of my cardio day I picked a spot that nobody was there. I was looking forward to let out some air. I started running. After couple of minutes I cracked one off. It was a small one. I wasn't happy. While I was expecting another nice, big one, a guy took the treadmill next to me. ---SHIT!

I glanced at him. He had blue eyes, black hair and a lot of beard. He was totally a HOT bear cub. Normally I don't like bear cob-ish ones but I guess his blue eyes made it. I was little upset, going forward I had to keep my butt-burps in. I could possibly not release tiny farts next to this stud. I kept running. I realized he was checking me out.-- Good!!!

Suddenly I felt big air that forced my butt cheeks. NO! NO! I could not fart next to him. I squeezed my ass muscles so hard-- GREAT! I was able to push it back. I burped! Well! Fumes needed to get out in some way.

We both kept running. I kinda like that we were unofficially competing each other. Out of the blue I smelled something. It was GROSS!!! Reflexively I moaned " Eeeeww!" He heard and grinned at me.

Whhaaaat!? I couldn't believe he just farted next to me. So rude!

Immediately I concentrated on my bowels. I focused my thoughts on FART. It worked! I farted successfully. It was like a tiny whistle but very stinky one. The smell was mix of rotten onions and mashed eggplants. I had eaten baba ganush at a Greek restaurant two nights ago. I had been very constipated. Thanks to Constipation GOD! It was just coming out. Cute bear cub coughed and skipped LOL! He was almost going to fall down. Well!-- We were even!!!

After almost 2 minutes. My nose suddenly burned! WTF! Ugly bitch just let his poison out again! It was D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G!!! I realized his fart smelled like decayed falafel! I could recognize the smell of fried falafel anywhere.--- MAN! His ass must have smelled like a death cat! BAD ASS! --VERY BAD ASS! I was almost going to faint.

I got so competitive. It was a fart race and I had to win. I tried to channel with black bean brutto lunch I had eaten on Tuesday. I was mumbling "Cabala- Madonna!-Yoga! Come out my black bean brutto!!!- Hhhmm" I took a deep breath! I forced out my stomach. YEAH!! YEAH! --YAY! Miracle happened. I loudly and proudly farted. Smell was indescribably nauseating.

Mr. Facial hair immediately pushed stop button. He was fanning himself with his both hands. He rushed away!!!

OMG! OMG! What did just happen?? I won my very first fart race. I WON!!!!

Well! Don't mess with Z! I can back-fire and mesmerize you with my gas!

Click here to read "Don't blame Mexicans! English is hard to learn!"

I would love to be a dog!!!!

I would love to be a dog and owned by a gay man in NYC. OMG! These dogs have better life than mine most of the time. They don't have to go to work and get stress on daily basis. They all have to do-- Eat! Pee! Poop! Over the summer they get to go to Fire Island. On the ferry to Pines, I can see gay man and dog population are almost equal.
Wouldn't be great, if I call in sick and go to beach instead of suffering at the office today? I could run like this dog-- Aimless, Worry-lees, Pointless! Just for FUN!

Happy People

Click here to see previously on Happy People

Coming soon on Zreveals "Cooking is as easy as masturbation"

Help me! Who is Eddie Pendergraft? Do you know him?

I was with friends having couple of drinks at Bartini on Sunday afternoon. I know what you think "Z!! You drink all the time"--- So what?! Get used to it!-:)--Anyway!

When my friends started discussing about Iran's latest politic situation. I desperately wanted to yawn. Since I was too kind not to show my boredom. I started looking at Next magazine. After scanning through couple of pages I discovered a ginger gem! -- Eddie Pendergraft!

OMG! OMG! OMG!

What a cute red head! Ummhh! My red head obsession has been public knowledge since I wrote a story about it.

I started reading the article. Title was King of old Broadway. Basically he was competing for Broadway Beauty Pageant. He was THE red head hunk. He looked so adorable. I decided I must meet him.

All my readers!!! I need your help. If any of you knows him, please introduce me. Nothing is sexual. He is married and I'm married too. I would love to make him my friend. I'm too famous to go to his show and try to meet him like a little high school girl. HELP ME!

As I read the article, I learned his special talent was touching his tongue to his nose. Helllooo! Man is red and talented! He must be my best friend. After multiple pinot grigio and one scandalous wine party I was home finally. I think I saw him in my dream. Not sure! I certainly snored. That's what my husband said. Thanks to my excessive wine consumption! My Sunday is still blur.

This morning while I was going to work. I remembered my ginger gem. I tried to touch my tongue to my nose. I couldn't even get close. First of all, it was so hard to try while I was walking. When I stopped for red light. I tried again. Not a luck! I realized people next to me were looking at me "Who is this crazy person licking his face??!" That was embarrassing! I tried it at my office too. Mail boy saw me. I'm sure he will tell everyone.He is such a gossip stirrer. Damn it!

I still couldn't understand how my future best friend Eddie could achieve this. Either his tongue is really long or his nose or both! I'm Ok with all. Well! He is adorably cute.

OK! My dear readers! All those months I worked really hard to make you laugh with my stories. Now! It is time to give me back. Please get me in touch with Eddie Pendergraft! Who ever can make this happen will be featured on my blog. Promise! Email me! zreveals@gmail.com

Help your funny Z! Make his dream come true!!!

Click here to read "Making the bed every morning is so overrated"

YAY! It is Friday! Eat something!

It is Friday today. Finally!!!! I love the fact I won’t be working on Saturday and Sunday.

We all should be smiling. Do a favor to yourself. Lunch time indulge yourself. Eat something you never eat normally. I'll be eating onion rings. I know! I know! Summer is at the corner. Nothing so good as forbidden fruit!!!

Who cares if your co-worker backstabs you this morning. Collect the knives from your back. Put those in recycle bin and smile, because it is Friday. We made the week in one piece! Pheeww! Still breathing! Let's celebrate!

If you can’t have time to have for lunch, go to happy hour with your friends after work and order a cocktail you have never tasted before.

Come on! It is Friday !!! Smile & Indulge yourself! Wishing all of you an amazing, boozy weekend!

Click here to see what Z captured from real life last week.

Scandal!!!!!!!!!!

On a rainy Saturday I was doing my weekly grocery shopping at Food Emporium. As I checked out cucumbers and carrots, I realized an awfully cute boy smiled at me. I smiled him back and walked to next aisle. Since I got these smiling actions a lot, I didn’t put much thought in. After couple minutes I was certain, he was following me. OK! He seemed little creepy. I turned back and said

“Hi! Do I know you?”

“No! But I sort of know you”

I assumed he knew my blog. I got that a lot especially recently.

“Oh! I know! I’m kinda famous. I’m curious, how you found out about my blog?”

“Which blog?”

Whaaat!?!! I thought all gay guys in Manhattan knew my blog.

I was faced to another ignorant internet reader. HUH!

“Well! How do you know me then?”

“Aaah! Don’t get mad at me but I saw you naked. You are awfully cute”

I thought this guy was getting creeper.

“Did you see me naked at the gym?
“No, in your apartment!”

“WTF! Is this a candid camera? Are you joking?” I looked around me.

“NO! NO! I lived across from your apartment. We face to the same courtyard. Sometimes you dance naked. You entertain me a lot. So sexy!”

OMG! I have never thought about this!!! I was ashamed but I didn’t want to reveal.

“Glad to give you some excitement!!”
“I love watching you! Can I ask you something? What is that funny blue hat you wear while you are dancing?”

I completely blushed I certainly could blend in with tomatoes.

As I walked to home, my body trembled. I couldn’t believe that guy saw me nude. Yes! Correct! I did dance in my apartment along with Turkish tunes once in a while. I was embarrassed. I was also terrified if I didn’t look good. Did he see my dangling love handles? Certainly he saw my swinging nuggets.-- Well! My balls don't lie.

The more I thought about it the more I got kind of angry to him. How did he dare to penetrate my privacy? OMG! What if he masturbated while watching me?! Eeeww! I gave him 5 tissues worth happiness! SALUTE!-- If I were him, would I watch while he was bouncing around nude? – Yes I would!!

I took the elevator in my deep thoughts. My feeling changed suddenly. I strangely liked the idea I had an audience. Weren’t human emotions bizarre? My feeling changed in a short period. I moved from being ashamed to being flattered. Didn’t he tell I was awfully cute? Aaaww!

When I got my apartment, I put Madonna’s latest song Celebration on. As I took my clothes off by one by, I sang and slowly walked to my bedroom. By the time I was by my bed, I was totally naked. I jumped on my bed and giggled.—Well It was my own MTV video clip moment!!

While I’m typing this story, I’m not wearing anything below my waist. I’m bottom-less

Hello Neighbor! ( I wink & waive)

---------------------

Soonon Zreveals "YAY! I WON MY FIRST FART RACE!!"

Blue Flower appearance etiquette

Dear Friends

I do understand you would love to see me and my blue flower at your parties. In order to get blue flower performance, you need to inform me in advance. I can’t assume you want the blue flower at your party. Don’t get mad at me, when I don’t show up with that. I’m always afraid to upstage the host. Everyone wants his picture with my precious flower. Demand is dramatically increasing day by day.

I have to respond a common question here.-- NO! Blue flower is not glued on my head. I don’t carry it every where. I have to be in certain mood to do my blue magic. I mean by that, lots of liquor need to be consumed by me.

Venue location is the most important part to do blue flower appearance. If your party is at a straight place, FORGET it!! Please don’t even ask. Gay bars and apartment parties are always OK with me. Also I’m very open to do blue flower for charity events especially to raise money for gay marriage, aids etc. which I did in the past.

Act in advance! Call or email Z!

P.S. I have to put limitation on blue flower performances, in order to keep excitements up.

That means I can’t go to every party with my delicate flower on. ---And I don’t lend it either.JJ

Z as in Zee
------------
A Blue Flower Anecdote

I was on my way to South Beach. A curvy security girl wanted to check my handbag at the airport. I pulled out the blue flower.
"What is this blue sponge for?"
"That is not a sponge! It is a delicate blue flower?"
"What does a guy with a hairpiece?"
"OH! I take pictures of guys with that?"

Her face seemed puzzled. I took out my iphone and showed the pictures of my blue flower project on my blog. She laughed so loud. Her laugh echoed in the airport. All passengers on the line as other security people got curious. She told them my project was hysterical.
" LOL! Gay boys are so much FUN! My man is so lame! He is a potato on my couch!"
------------------
Next on Zreveals "SCANDAL! What have I done? BOO!"

Random hotties from Z's camera

Click here to read "It was my first Christmas ever and changed my life forever"
Next on Zreveals " Blue Flower appearance etiquette"
Also check out Zcaptures to see what Z captured last week

My dangling love handles!!!!

YES!!! I admit my love handles dangle!! While I was walking to the gym last weekend, I became aware of my dangling love handles. Nobody saw it and nobody would see it, but I was ashamed. It used to my belly button piercing dangled as I walked. Now my tiny piercing is stuck into my cushion-tummy. It is very stable.

My dangling love handles weren’t the first alarm for my recent chubbiness. Let’s go back to March 19th 2010

What a fashionable gay guy would do for rainy lunch break?--Shopping!! I was in my “I have to buy something” hysteria. The closest store was GAP. Not that I ever go to GAP, but I said to myself “What the HECK!” It was pouring down. I couldn’t think straight.

I checked out their men’s stuff— Not much inspiring!Suddenly I saw a nice purplish-brown plaid shirt. It was calling my name. I expected it wouldn’t fit me well since Gap’s garments are loose fit. I had time to kill and there was no line for fitting room.A miracle happened!!! Plaid shirt fit so nicely. Plus it was on sale! WIN-WIN-BUY situation! I purchased my very first GAP item.

When I got home after emotionally exhausting work day, I wanted to show off my unexpected purchase to my husband.

“Look Honey! I bought a button down shirt from GAP. It was on sale”

“I thought Gap’s stuff was so big on you”

“No! This one fits perfectly. I guess GAP updated their fit to reach out skinny, young customers. They have slim fit now”

“That’s odd!” He grabbed the minimalisticly designed hangtag and read loudly.

“Forgiving fit! LOL!”“Whaaat?!! It can’t be!!” I couldn’t believe my own eyes.

“Well! Mr Z! GAP didn’t get slimmer! You got bigger!” my husband said brutally.

“How dare you?!! I’m cutting you off from sex for 5 days! No masturbation is allowed!”

I was pissed. What did it mean “Forgiving fit”??

It was like saying to me “Ooops sorry! You are FAT but we forgive you!!” I decided to return it. I didn’t want any reminder of this terrible memory! I resented.

Was I right to be pissed to Gap? --NOOO!!How did I come to this point? I have NO idea.

I ate very healthy. They said walnuts were good for you; I ate the whole jar. They said avocado was good fat; I gulped it down without biting. They said red wine was good for your heart; I sucked down the entire bottle.I wasn’t an emotional eater! I wasn’t a closeted eater! I was simply an EATER. Whatever I found healthy, I ATE IT!!!!

Now it is time to get back on my skinny days. I have to run on cardio machine like a horse. Say hello to four almonds breakfasts, liquid lunches and two string beans dinners. My chewing days are over. Lots of pooping will be involved. Thanks to side effects of green tea! Welcome to dizziness, light headiness and weakness!! Good riddance to my dangling mushy love handles!

-------------------------------------

To my metabolism,You are a fickle BITCH!

Click here to read "To my former Fuck buddies!"
Next on Zreveals--Random Hotties from Z's camera,
following by "That drag queen Bianca Del Rio"

A Cruel Cycle!

I hate this cycle. I would love to break it someday. Maybe just for 6 months!!!! Wouldn't it be be awesome if I do things I love all day? Unfortunately I'm owned by money driven world. What ever I like has a price ticket. How about you? But!! Someday I will break this cycle. I hope so! Till then I just keep smiling and writing humor.

"A day without laughter is a wasted day"--Charlie Chaplin