Z reveals-:):): February 2010

YAY! YAY! Snow day for Big Apple!--from Z's camera

I got very inspired by snow storm. I walked around and took some pictures White Manhattan was mesmerizing. The Best part of snow storm was we all got to leave work at noon (YAY!) on Friday and the worst was the following day melting snow turned into muddy slush. (YUCK!)
Click here to see "Beauty of Brooklyn Bridge"

It was the worst nightmare I have ever had!!!!

This Morning at 6.00 am Alarm went off.

I resisted to open my eyes. I wanted to keep sleeping. Suddenly Brian the husband put little kisses on my face

“Honey! You have to wake up. You will be late to work.” He kept kissing me It felt so good. SadlyI opened my eyes and saw his shiny green eyes.

“I feel tried. Brian”

“You were talking in your dream last night. I couldn’t understand. You were saying, Gallula Baullla Guuuk jickk! LOL! Was it in Turkish?”

“Me? NO!! That's not Turkish!! I don’t know! I had a terrible nightmare”

“Really? What was it?“

"OH! Honey! It was awful” I hugged him.

“Come my baby! I will save you! Tell me now!”

“It was awful!!!!”

“OK! You need to tell me what your nightmare about. Honey!”

I took a deep breath

“I was in a big room. Totally naked!!!”

“What??!! Were you cold?”

“No! It was like an empty loft, but not cold. There were mirrors every where”

“OK! So far! Not bad!” He hugged me strongly.

“All of a sudden! Three guys showed up! They were naked too. Hug me more sweetie!!”

“OH! Were they fat and ugly?”

“NO! They were model like, chiseled and dreamy! But honey! AWFUL! AWFUL!”

“What is it?! Z! Were they mean to you?”

“NO! On the contrary! They were so nice, friendly and flirty! ”

“What?? This doesn’t sound like a nightmare to me!!!”

“Nightmare!!! Horrifying!!! Because they were three guys and I have one condom! It was BULLSHIT!!!”

“You are a BITCH! You were kidding me all along. Get up!! Before I slap your tiny ass! LOL”
Click here to read "RIM JOB!"

I moved to NYC to pursue my American dream. LOOK!! What I got!!!

Moving to NYC was a big challenge for me. Forget about not knowing English so many things were new to me. City had a totally different culture. There were days I walked around streets and looked at the people, building and objects. It is funny when I think about those things now. They are part of my regular life now. I remember when I saw bagel first time. It made me smile. I wondered why there was a hole of center of bagel. "What is that for? So I can make a necklace out of it." --How silly rabbit of me! Right?

My reactions were totally different too. Either I laughed or got frustrated or got scared. I was astonished by the quantity of morbidly chubby people, kitten size of rats in subway or eating pancake with bacon (salt & sugar yuck!) I can give you hundreds and hundreds examples.

One of my biggest shocks was redhead guys. Before I moved to NYC I had never seen a redhead man unless in movies. Seriously! Where I came from. mostly people are caramel color. Over weeks it became my obsession to meet one redhead boy and get kinky with him. I became an unsuccessful red head chaser because of my language barrier. One lucky night, I met a red head guy at a Chelsea bar I was so excited. I was literally shivering. It was 8 years ago. Now! Red heads barely make my head turn. Seeing red heads became ordinary like other stuff.

Short story! We clicked!!! We decided to blend like carrot cake and caramel sauce. We got home. After tasteful foreplay, room temperature felt like too high to be fully clothed. His body was smooth, pure and milk like white. I pulled his pants off eagerly.

AAAAWWW! WTF!

In state of shock I couldn’t help myself scream “HOLLY DIARRHEA! Who put that sliced tomato on your mozzarella?” His pubes were redder than his hair. I hadn’t expected this. It got me totally off guard. Come On!! Don’t give me that! Have you ever seen a tiny, little, red lawn in real and shouted “Screw! Jesus! This is actually red!”???

Red stud said “HUH?? What are you mumbling? You are so cute!! Muach Muach!!” --Well! My Carrot Top wasn’t that smart. He didn’t understand anything from my broken accent English. He kept digging in my luscious lips!!

After he left I took a shower, dried myself and look at the mirror. Suddenly I was appalled and slightly grossed out. I yelled out “Eeeewww! Iiiicck!!” I realized he left a gift for me. It was his good size red pubic hair between my two front teeth. I tried to spit it out. “Pheeww! Pheew!” --It was stuck.

While I was sliding it out, thoughts were running in my brain. I look at it like it was some sort piece of treasury.

“Hmmmhh! Interesting!!”

Suddenly I got the smartest idea. The idea could make me rich as Bill Gates.I could be the most important invention after telephone, electricity or Ipad. “OMG! OMG!! I’m genius! I just invented RED dental floss! This is it! This is my American dream! I will be rich!”

Last 8 years, I have been working on to perfect my idea. It takes time! PEOPLE!

Click here to read " It was my first Christmas ever and changed my life forever"

So I went out! Club 57!!! OMG!--Are they kidding with me!@#!?

Last weekend after my good friend DJ Timo’s bday drinks we decided to go to Club 57. Gosh! I haven’t gone out, since Brian the husband put a ring on my finger. Me and my friends just wanted to see some single ladies on Valenties Day weekend.

Once we got Club 57, we saw the long line. At first line was moving fast. We were OK with that despite icy cold weather. All of a sudden bouncers announced club was over capacity. OooKKK! ...

Couple of friends left for Baracuda. Meantime they were letting guys from other “special” VIP gay-line, Uuhm! That was BULLSHIT!!!

Due to Alaska like weather, my tennis balls between my legs turned into tiny little frozen raviolis. They desperately needed to be microwaved. . Bouncers were extremely rude. I felt like we were at pee line in a Catholic school. I asked “Should we leave?’ My husband said “ Let’s stay! If we wait little bit more, we can celebrate your birthday here!” --

“Yuck! You are funny! My birthday is in June! I wil be frozen popsicle by then”

After 30 minutes they let 6 people go in. YAY! We were IN! Do you think we went right to the bar? NO!

There was a huge coat check line. A boom-boom man was screaming! He told me “Don’t stay there!!! DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME?” Wait a minute!!! Did I just pay $20 to be scolded??? No comments here! You fill the blanks! F_____!!!

Dance floor was packed. Guys were handsome. Music was fantastic and air stink testosterone as any gay club. Luckily bartenders were sweet, friendly and boiling hot. Shockingly there was no line at any bar. I assumed bars were well managed or drinks were $10 twinks couldn’t afford more than one.

Singer Ke$sha took the stage. She was good. Only one thing was bizarre to me. Ms Tic Toc Tic wrapped herself with gay flag like a burrito. What was that? Ok! I got it! You love gays Ke$sha! We all had fun. It was a great fun night, but it was time to go home

GUESS WHAT!!--It turned out! Getting in Club 57 was difficult, but getting out of Club 57 was IMPOSSIBLE.
Swear on Lady GA GA! Coat check line was 45 minutes!! The same Boom-Boom man was still there yelling at gay boys. --WTF?! DOUCHE! Are you on zanax withdrawal?? Get a hold on your pills?

While we were waiting on the line, who do you think arrived? Make a guess!
Adam Lambert!!!-- with his crew.
I love Adam Lambert!! I love his manners, style and voice.
He is my favorite drag queen. I mean, he gotta lessen his make up just a bit. Otherwise He will go from being American Idol to being Ru Paul’s drag bitch!!! (Kiddinnnngg)

I adore him! I was so proud when he kissed a boy on TV. He got banned by multiple TV channels!! He didn’t care.

Hey Adam!!! You can kiss me anywhere you want to!! On the bus, in the cab or under the desk. I will never stop, complain or ban you. --- And! You are welcome Adam! It is my pleasure!

Back to my night! All night being on the D-list was not enough. Coat check gang lost my scarf!!! OK!--Now I was on the F-list!! So far I kept my cool factor! But you don’t do that to Z!! Geez!!!

Heellouu! Party promoters Tony Farnabio & Brandon Voss! I respect you guys a lot for doing these amazing parties. Your events are so much FUN. I always had an amazing time. Come On! I’m too well known to be kept waiting on the line outside and be scolded by chubby boom-boom dudes. It damages my reputation and my blue flower project. Boys! Did I deserve to be on F-list? You guys should treat famous bloggers better like Marc Jacobs does. As much as I would love to, but I seriously can’t come to your parties unless you put me on the permanent VIP list. Otherwise me & my blue flower will miss you guys. Sniff Sniff! (Sad face!) Tony, Brandon! Hit me on facebook so we can talk :)

UPDATE – After John Blair left a comment on my blog, I emailed him. He generously sent two gold cards for me & Brian the husband. We emailed each other multiple times. I went XL reopening hearing. GUYS! It went well. Big possibly XL dance bar is coming back. We will have also an amazing gay center in HK. (Hotel AXEL, Wyhm & Vinyl restaurant, Nikel Spa!!) Thanks to John Blair and his partners!!! Hells Kitchen will the Mecca of gay guys. John B. is my new friend.

Click here to read "John Blair needed my help! I helped him! Now John! We need to talk!"

Z whispers! A Midtown gay bar got a fine from Health Department!

Hsssh! Just between us my friends! Hssshh!

Recently a popular Midtown gay bar got a fine from Health Department. The reason was bartenders were touching, cutting and rubbing limes with their bare hands. Whhaaat!? Yeah! Health Department required surgical gloves. No! You are NOT hallucinating. You are actually reading this!
What do I think? Let me try to say this in a nice way.

That is FUCKED UP!

Who wears gloves at bars?

Get Real! It’s just cutting a lime. It’s not like penis enlargement!!!

Why is this rule only for lime or lemon? They are not only ball-shaped things bartenders squeeze, rub and finger in order to content their customers.

Sometimes shit happens! Isn’t cheap vodka supposed to kill germs? Aren’t you using rubbing alcohol for your wounds? What did you expect? Kettle One? Happy hours cocktails are $4. You are lucky to get alcohol with that money.

Where did this rule come from? Well!_ I got a good tip from a proud customer. I can’t tell you who was. -- BTW- Thank you Brett for the nice chat! (Wink! Wink!)

According to rumors, health gang had been at the notorious leather bar before they rated Midtown bar. They saw bartenders were wearing black latex gloves. They loved the idea. They thought it was very hygienic. They decided to force this on other bars. GENIUS!

What do I say about this?-- Hygiene? Yes!! Those gloves are as hygienic as used tampons. I’m praying that those latex gloves are not touching MY limes!!! That would be one fistful of germs. DUH! Leather Bar is on Fisteria Lane.

Isn’t it great Boys?

A Hells Kitchen bar uses surgical gloves to rub some limes. A Leather bar uses surgical gloves to rub some guys’ buns.

That's what I call great customer service. Now! Give a dirty Martini!
>>Coming soon with hot pictures "So I went out!! Club 57 or Club Fifty-Heaven! Really?"

Click here to read "His name was Don. He has aids. He was my buddy"
or Hit here for " I have a new gay neighbor"

Who do I have to fuck to get a book deal around here?

It seems to me whoever got involved with a kinky scandal cut a book deal. What should a humble blogger like me do to get a book deal? I mean, I write funny stories. I have a really good fan base. I own FAMOUS blue flower project. How come I can’t land on a book contract?

Look at that Jenny Stanford! Her husband Governor Mark Stanford cheated on her with Lationolicious. In between her divorce and therapy sessions she wrote a memoir “Staying true”. JUST LIKE THAT! She became an “over night” writer. Even her interview was on NY Times style section last Sunday. Are you kidding me? When was the last time the story of weepy, cheated woman in style? I guess they didn't think her masterpiece could fit in book review section. (Wink!)

How about that John Edward’s ex “right hand” Andrew Young? Years and years Mr. Aid/Butler worked with Mr. Edward/Cheater on all his mysterious projects. After a juicy scandal, he decided to say “That’s enough! I can’t take it anymore!” He woke up and kissed a book deal. Apparently he was a magician in his previous life. Miraculously he took a book and video out of his party hat. Meantime John Edwards got more knives to collect on his back.

What’s up with disastrous Carrie Prejean’s book? She is just a 23 years old “twink Sarah Palin”. Who knew she had so much to tell at that age!!! I was surprised she could write proper sentences! I know!! I know!! They all use ghost writers. That makes it even more nauseating. How about Sarah Palin's ghost writer? Does he know " Going Rogue" means "Giving blow job" in British? It sounds like " Going for RAW" to me...

I heard Tiger Wood’s mistresses would write books respectively. COME ON! These people are shameless!!! That’s bigger series than Harry Potter. That’s a lot of blow jobs to read!!!!

Help me! People!! What should I do?? I’m one home made porn video away from my profitable book deal. Should I get in a three way with UPS guy and Mailman? NO! That would be another lame gay porn. Nobody cares!

Or!! As a gay guy I should have sex with a woman. Would it get a big buzz? I can convince our heavy set 75 years housekeeper for a naughty porn video. She always drinks cocktails while she cleans our apartment. Aunt Lush may not mind having a vodka-sweat-fumes sex. I could post the video on YouTube and email my friends

“Look! My porn video just leaked! How embarrassing!! Teee Hee Hee!” Isn’t that the way Carrie Prejean did for her masturbation video? Meantime my video would get only 3 hits versus Carrie’s video got millions!!! I guess that won’t work either.I’m getting more depressed!

I could walk around naked in Times Square and get arrested. I could write a book about my fanny exposure and jail experience. I could talk on and on about it like 700 pages. Boring!!!! No seriously!!! I need a famous name for my scandal.

How about I email Conan O’Brien? He is out of job. Maybe he would collaborate with me for an artsy porn. I like red heads. Why not!! There is no such a thing bad publicity. I wonder if his pubes are as red as his hair. Hanging red balls above my mouth would look FIERCE on camera!!!

Actually my best bet would be Betty White. She is the hottest muffin on the market now. THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING TO DIE FOR!!--- Golden whores!

I could do anything for a book deal. I could go down. I could go up, eat, bite. You name it! The only thing I can’t do is getting a sex change operation. That would be absurd!!! --- Unless they offer me 5 books contract.

COME ON PEOPLE!! Help me! Who do I have to fuck to get a book deal around here? Give me some advice!!!

Hit here to read " Why gay man is superior to straight man?"

When time is right, love will find you.

Most of my single friends are very stressed out because of Valentines Day. As I always tell them " Your prince on white horse will find you, when the time comes right. Till than, you should enjoy the life" Honestly!! Love can be found anywhere. I found my love at a racy gay bar. SO! Go Figure!

Have a great VD!!!