How a DJ pooped on everyone's Pines Party

The biggest charity event of Fire Island was taken place last weekend. Pines Party is a benefit  to raise money for our precious island and Stone Wall Foundation. Since 1999 Pines Party became a world class party. Tickets were $180 each at the door. YEAH! It was fucking expensive!  Well! It was for good cause so all gay boys loved to attend. Party set up was great.-- hot gay boys, open bar and beach!! What could possibly go wrong?? You would think party would be FUN, FUN and FUN!-- Unfortunately this year party SUCKED!!!

It sounds bizarre that a party on the beach could suck! I know!!!  But something went really wrong. That something was called DJ Warren Gluck!

Well! Some dinosaur DJ took the stage! Before then party had been perfectly fine. All of a sudden this old guy started playing some odd remixes. First we all thought he was just getting starting like warming up his muscles. After a while music got worse and worse. OMG!! Is he fucking kidding us?? 

How can I explain? Music was like Broadway tunes remixed with noises of pots, pans and ladle. It sounded frightening!!

The songs he played were from 70’s which nobody knew.

After a while everyone was standing on dance floor looking each other what the F happened to music. At some point people started shouting at DJ. Music was nerve wracking. I remember I started laughing from nervous breakdown.  Some gay guys were biting their. The rest got their therapists on the phone!! 

Finally they kicked him from DJ boot. DJ Wayne G took over. THANKS to disco god!! Music turned  normal again. And guess what!!! Dinosaur DJ came back after 23 minutes. WTF!!! Talking about herpes!!!

At these days how hard would it play good music?? Everyone can download every song and remix easily!! Plus they are FREE. How an experienced DJ could play the worst songs back to back to ruin everyone’s night??? Was it something wrong this guy? I don’t know!! Certainly he made the night miserable for everyone.

I guess it is a talent to play that bad since even my nine years old nephew can play the best songs. Here is 10 THINGS a DJ should do to poop on gay boys night

  

1) Pick THE oddest show tunes and remix them with noises of tingling, ringing and  whistling. 

2) Play the songs sounds like elephant’s fart

3) When crowd starts shouting at you “Booo! Booo!” Pretend to be deaf. Keep the bad music cranking!

4) Stay out of touch of reality! When they ask you who Kelly Rowland is, say “Ughh?! Kelly? Who?”

5)  When you get booted out from DJ boot, think you are hallucinating and come back after 20 minutes. Play the same nerve wracking shit!!!

6)  Don’t care about anyone's fun; keep playing the songs for Jurassic Park. Most importantly be selfish play for yourself!

7)  Stuck with nostalgia and play in the middle of the night Love Boat with scary, Halloween like remix. Expect people to shake their hips with it.

8)  Pick one of the best song of summer 2010! (like Happiness!) Take out the instrumental part and make us listen lyrics over and over AGAIN! Like a disturbing poem!

9)  Play remixes never end like twenty minutes. After twenty minutes realize gay boys are yawning, play very slow song with big fat husky woman screaming top of her lungs which sounds like my cranky aunt to wake up sleepy boys!

10)  Once people start leaving and cursing at your face. Play dumb! Give them thumbs up!  Don't give a shit what people thinks. 

Honestly if this party was for good cause, I would definetely ask money back. Screw!! At least money goes to good places (hopefully)  I don't know about next year, my ears burned once!!

Expect couple hours of inconvenience (Thanks to tasteless DJ) Weekend was so much FUN. Weather was great. Here is a video summons up this amazing weekend. Courtesy of my friend Colin G. 

Click here to read "The same beautiful BIG boys are in a different CIRCUS!"