YAY! I won my very first fart race!

I have been very much into cardio recently. Running on treadmill relaxes me a lot. Not to mention I shed quickly my winter fat.I sweat like a pig during cardio. It is perfect for detoxication. I don't know you but I fart excessively too during this action.

Seriously! For some reason either my metabolism accelerates or my intestines expand, I fart very nicely. OMG! Cardio machine is my favorite place to flatulate! I love the idea nobody can hear my explosive blasts. Thanks to ipods!!

I fart so good on the treadmill. Even I'm amazed. I congratulate myself sometimes "OH Z! That one was really good! Great job Z!". I try always fart better and improve my techniques.  

One of my cardio day I picked a spot that nobody was there. I was looking forward to let out some air. I started running. After couple of minutes I cracked one off. It was a small one. I wasn't happy. While I was expecting another nice, big one, a guy took the treadmill next to me. ---SHIT! 

I glanced at him. He had blue eyes, black hair and a lot of beard. He was totally a HOT bear cub. Normally I don't like bear cob-ish ones but I guess his blue eyes made it. I was little upset, going forward I had to keep my butt-burps in. I could possibly not release tiny farts next to this stud. I kept running. I realized he was checking me out.-- Good!!!

Suddenly I felt big air that forced my butt cheeks. NO! NO! I could not fart next to him. I squeezed my ass muscles so hard-- GREAT! I was able to push it back. I burped! Well!  Fumes needed to get out in some way.

We both kept running. I kinda like that we were unofficially competing each other. Out of the blue I smelled something. It was GROSS!!! Reflexively I moaned " Eeeeww!" He heard and grinned at me.

Whhaaaat!? I couldn't believe he just farted next to me. So rude!  

Immediately I concentrated  on my bowels. I focused my thoughts on FART. It worked! I farted successfully. It was like a tiny whistle but very stinky one. The smell was mix of rotten onions and mashed eggplants. I had eaten baba ganush at a Greek restaurant two nights ago. I had been very constipated. Thanks to Constipation GOD! It was just coming out.  Cute bear cub coughed and skipped LOL!  He was almost going to fall down. Well!-- We were even!!!

After almost 2 minutes. My nose suddenly burned! WTF! Ugly bitch just let his poison out again! It was D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G!!! I realized his fart smelled like decayed falafel! I could recognize the smell of fried falafel anywhere.--- MAN! His ass must have smelled like a death cat! BAD ASS! --VERY BAD ASS! I was almost going to faint.

I got so competitive. It was a fart race and I had to win. I tried to channel with black bean brutto lunch I had eaten on Tuesday. I was mumbling  "Cabala- Madonna!-Yoga! Come out my black bean brutto!!!- Hhhmm" I took a deep breath! I forced out my stomach. YEAH!! YEAH! --YAY! Miracle happened. I loudly and proudly farted. Smell was indescribably nauseating. 

Mr. Facial hair immediately pushed stop button. He was fanning himself with his both hands. He rushed away!!!

OMG! OMG! What did just happen?? I won my very first fart race. I WON!!!!

Well! Don't mess with Z! I can back-fire and mesmerize you with my gas!

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