I lost weight as I sat!-- Is it a miracle or just fun in sauna?!

When a friend of mine told me about infrared sauna, I got very curios. Immediately I googled it. Benefits of sauna sounded amazing like weight loss, detoxifying body and relieving stress.Through google I found a place on 51st street and made an appointment for Sunday morning.

I was excited about my sauna treat. I was going to loose weight as I sat.A nice Japanese girl greeted me. What ever I said she laughed–Tee hee heee!-which I found it intriguing. She walked me to a room where infrared sauna was. Basically sauna was a mini wooden shack for one person. It was approximately 8 square feet. 
I took off my cloths and wrapped around the towel she gave me. I was so ready to relax. Suddenly it dawned on me I had to be in this tiny little place for 45 minutes WITHOUT my Iphone. OMG! Me and my Iphone had never separated that long before unless I passed out from excessive vodka consumption. I had to be out of touch with facebook, email and life very long time. It seemed like end of the world

I sat on the bench. Gladly I got New York magazine and big bottle of water with me. It was really hot. I started sweating instantly. GOOD! I was loosing weight! I felt content.

After four minutes I was bored to death.  I tried to read magazine. I couldn’t pay attention to any words. As my sweat dripped from my forehead on Vanessa William’s face, I grossed out and thought “Let’s put the magazine away!”

I wondered what I was going to do in this pocket-size space another 39 minutes.I looked at the temperature. It was 110 degree. There was nothing to do.

Suddenly I said to myself “I want to masturbate!” I played little with junior Z! Couple of strokes! No reaction! It was so hot I couldn’t get it up! That was embarrassing!!--Damn Sauna!!!! LOOK! What you did!! 

I got obsessed with my body parts. First I played with my toes. I thought they were funny looking. I started flipping up my droopy stomach and love handles with my fingers. 

I had 19 minutes to go. Meantime my heartbeat accelerated. I was sweating like open faucet. I had claustrophobic feelings. I stood up! I started fanning myself while I made bizarre noises “Uuuyoh! Aiiyy! Igghh!”

Sudden light headiness made me remembering my past life. I saw embarrassing segments of my high school years.--DAMN IT! I had made so many fashion mistakes those years!#@!

My chest was up and down! I was breathing so heavily. “Phssspff!  Iuugff!” I had 12 minutes more. GOD! It was burning in that dump. I felt two boiled eggs in my crotch.

Suddenly my mood swung! I hated the sauna. I hated that smiley Japanese girl. I wanted to get out of there! And then I got calm down again. I wasn’t a quitter. I paid $40 for this. I must stay till end. And then my hostile mood bounced back. What the F!-- Was I bipolar?

I was flushing out so much water! Literally I was drying! All of a sudden I heard beeping! My time was up! OMG! I can’t recall how I opened the door and got under cold shower. I was so thirsty. I started licking water coming out of shower like a kitty cat.

This infrared sauna business didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped. Well!--It was a torture! You think water boarding is terrifying! Try infrared sauna on Osama! Look what happens! Honestly I was ready to do, admit and sign anything. The worst part I paid for this Chinese-invented wooden cell!---How Sarah Palin of me!!!!

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Coming soon--I won my first FART race!