Yeah Yeah! Another New Year resolutions posting! All blogs did it! Aren't you tired of? But mine is better. Inspirational!!! Why is mine better!! Just because I'm Z! Cheers!
- Recession has been hard on me. I didn't get raise last year. I assume I won't get it this year either. My Christmas bonus was $300 after tax (No!! it wasn't candid camera) I need to be more careful with money. I need to save more in case of emergency. Gee! I find a solution for that. I will just stop eating. Food is expensive. Chewing is boring. Who needs that? At the end I poop them in the toilet.
- I will ask my doctor about Latisse. Brooke Shields has it. I should have too. Why shouldn’t I? It is good for me to have bigger, thicker, fuller and darker eyelashes like Cher.
- I will convince my boyfriend that Brazilian Rafael is my Portuguese teacher.
- I will give another chance to MTV’s new show New Jersey Shore. I will develop a taste for over tanned, grossly hair jelled Guidos. I will force myself to fall in love the guy who calls himself THE SITUATION. In order to match his high standards, I will start calling myself THE POSITION. OH! All due respect to Snooki, I will never eat shrimp again
- I wanted to get a hobby for 2010. I put a lot of thoughts on this subject. First I wanted to take photography classes. Too much work! And then I focused on yoga. Too much stretching! I’m not a rubber! I needed something to keep me busy, take my attention away from my problems and most importantly make me relax. Suddenly it dawned on me yesterday morning. I found a solution for that! (OK! I admit I was hung over little. SO WHAT?!!!) I decided to pick “drinking wine“ as a hobby. Genius right? Wine keeps my mouth busy. Once I get the buzz I can't even think & walk straight. The best part is wine makes really relax. WIN WIN WIN!
-I will stop passing out on totally stranger's shoulder at gay bars, even if guy is awfully cute.
-I will stop passing out on totally stranger's shoulder at gay bars, even if guy is awfully cute.
- I will tell everyone I'm bipolar. It seems like very trendy disease.
- Last year I was so rude to Carrie Prejean. I called her camera whore. After watching her homemade documentaries, I realized she was a talented artist of masturbation. ( My favorite act!) She is THE MASTURBATOR. I will be respectful to her, even if she is self-inflated, attention-addict BITCH. I think that’s right way to behave.
- I will not release my fart at unexpected places like public library, my boss’s office etc. (Don’t even ask!!)
- I won’t skip my college reunion this year. When my friends start talking about their kids and wives, I will show off my tight stomach and ass. I will also point out their wrinkles and bold heads.
- And the last one! I will never take a Viagra before I go to NYC sex museum.
Z. as in Zebra
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