10 reasons why I refused to run NY marathon

When NY marathon community contacted me about running this coming up marathon, my jaw dropped. Ahem! I WAS FLATTERED! But, Why me??!! I’m a little, local blogger with a pretty, blue flower. Of course I get so much press and people know me but at the end I’m a skinny BITCH saying funny and obscene things! Why not Lindsey Lohan or Oprah Winfrey but ME?? (Wait!! She is fat now! And Lindsey is a f*cking drug mess) I decided to respond their nice gesture with a letter. So I started writing…

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Dear NY Marathon People I’m honored that you want me & my blue flower at your prestigious marathon. I felt chills and got goosebumps on my chest hair. I’m flattered and at the same time puzzled. Why me & my blue flower???? As much as I would like to run your marathon and help your press coverage increase, my respond will be NOOOOOO!!!!!! OK! Don’t freak out! I have reasons. Here are my 10 reasons why I can’t run marathon.

1) First of all, it is too crowded. The way too many sweaty people!! I don’t like sweaty people. Crowded and sweaty environment annoys me. I can’t stand it, unless it is gay beach.-:) That’s different! You know! (I wink)

2) In order to run marathon I have to train myself like a mad man. A lot of jogging, leg extension, hip extension! And then sore legs! Sore crotch! Sore butt! Who needs that? (I make funny face)

3) After 20 minutes running I would barf and ask for vodka soda... I won’t take NO as an answer As far as I know, your bar supplies are very limited bottle water, some very sugary juices like Gatorade. NO ALCOHOL??! That’s a really big problem for me. I call this a cheap party. (I roll my eyes)

 4) You guys have a real scheduling problem. This year marathon is on November 1st which is following day of Halloween. It completely doesn’t make sense. That day is my annual alcohol poisoning day. I drink a lot on Halloween nite. Are you suggesting me to miss Halloween festivities??? That’s socially awkward. If you want me to run your marathon, you must change the date. April maybe? Let me check my calendar (I squeeze my lips)

 5) Marathon starts on Staten Island. Come on! Get real! Who goes to Staten Island these days?!! (I shake my head like “Are you real?”)

 6) I saw so many pictures of marathon runner’s feet. OMG! They were horrible looking. They looked beaten up, cut, bruised & unpedicured. TRAGIC!!! Let’s face it! I treat my feet like they are two princesses.   I scrub, moisture and massage them very often. I call my left foot Lady Di and my right foot Lady Beatrice.  Just so you know my pedicure costs $55. So you get the picture. (I raise my eyebrows!)

7) In 2007 Kate Holmes ran NY marathon. She finished it in 5 hours 28 minute around 3.30pm. Clearly I could do better than that scientologist's BITCH! Let’s say my score would be 4 hours 15 minutes. That means I will be done by 2.15 pm. Well!!!! It overlaps my “as much as you can drink” champagne brunch. You must be insane to tell me to skimpy liquid brunch. Forget it!! (I make angry face)

8) Over 4 hours running like a horse and not to communicate anyone is impossible for me. I’m very a social person I need to interact and talk to human beings. There will be mute, sweaty people running around me. BORING! NO! I can’t deal with that. (I turn my head and slightly raise my nose)

9) What if I have to pee? Hey Hello!!!! I’m a human. I have to pee sometimes. Those portable toilettes stink!!!! I sit when I pee. Fungus, germs have names on it. Eeeewww! (I squeeze my face with disgust)

10) To tell the truth I don't even know what the purpose of running hours and hours. Who does that these days? Even dinosaurs didn’t run that much back than. We have great subway lines (although they are bankrupting. I don’t know HOW??) If you really insist me to attend your marathon, I can take a cab from Staten Island to finish line. Me & my blue flower can waive public and paparazzis can take my pictures. Keep in mind! You guys are paying for the cab ride. (I giggle)

 Sincerely

Z

As seen on

www,zreveals.blogspot.com

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Well! I was DONE! After I wrote this letter I felt good. I walked to the other room to get an envelop, suddenly my body started shaking. WTF?! I heard my boyfriend’s voice “ Z! Z! Z!” I couldn’t see him. OMG! I was still shaking. I got scared! --" Why am I shaking?" I heard my boyfriend's voice again “Z! Z! Z! Wake up! Wake up!” I opened my eyes. Shit!!! It was a dream. There were no marathon people and nobody invited me to anything. DAMN IT!!! …..

Click here to read " Hit the bottom and touched the shit"

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* Coming soon!!!

* More Blue flower boys!!

* JAMIE LEE CURTIS!! Take your activa and shove in your.....

* To the Japanese guy who farted literally to my face!!!

* Remembering 2009 SUMMER