First of all I apologize that I dumped this bad news on you suddenly. It is true I will never adopt you. Sorry!!!!
Let me explain! Since I'm a gay guy, having a kid through a conventional way doesn't work for me. I mean, I can't penetrate a woman in order to have a kid. Only option is adoption for me (Screw surrogate mother!!!) Honestly adoption involves so much paper work , money and the most importantly ANXIETY. I don't need that in MY life. I have my own daily anxiety already.
I would definitely adopt you if I was like those rich bitches Madonna & Angelina Jolie. I would hire multiple nannies. I could see you every Thursday for couple hours and give you pep talk and pet your neck. So it will be it!
I'm not sure what my boyfriend thinks about my decision but I don't care anyway.
Seriously why would you like to be my kid anyway. Do you really want to have a father who walks around with a blue flower on his head??? I might come to your school meeting with my blue flower in the future. Wouldn't it be embarrassing for you? Don't tell me to take my flower off!! This is me!! Your father is what you see what you get! I won't change my eccentric personality.
Kiddo!!! I love going out and having drinks with friends. Mostly I don't remember everything following day. How could I take care of you when I'm having a MAJOR hung over. COME ON! Be reasonable! I can't listen your crying while I have a nasty headache!!!! Stop being selfish!!!!
How about while I'm out who is going to take care of you! Sure I can hire a baby sitter! What if baby sitter turns out a disaster. Look at Michael Jackson's baby sitter. She visits every channel and talks badly about MJ. I CAN'T allow that!! OK ! I'm not as famous as MJ but I'm a Internet celebrity!!!! I have my own fan club even though I didn't still shave my nose!
How about SHIT??? Seriously! You will poop! You will pee! I have to clean your ass! COME ON! Get real!!!!!!
I'm sure you will be so cute when you are a little tiny baby!
A D O R A B L E!!! Certainly you will be a monster when you become a teenager. They all do!!! I can't handle that! Your every single problem will give a deep wrinkle on my face! NO! NO! I would rather DIE!
Sure!! You would like to go to college! That's all of money! I have to give up my face lift, botox and injection budget. That's out of question!!!!
OK!!! All above reasons might sound BULLSHIT to you ! Get this! My biggest concern is that what if you will be a fat kid??!!!
OH GOD! They would never tell me who is your mother & father! What if being chubby kid is in your genes???!!! I can't deal with that!!!! I have to put you on a liquid diet or raw vegetable diet or Atkins diet or I could make you just stop eating.
Do you really want to go through this?? REALLY?
Think again!!! Sorry kid!!! I can't do this!!!
Take a deep breath! Let it sink in!!!!
Click here to read "Now!! I know why some animals eat their young!!!!!"
7 TALK TO Z! COMMENT?:
You did it again. Another hysterical post where I laughed out loud the entire time..resulting in a painful coughing fit the more I read, the funnier it got. Scary thing was there were some very wise insights!
Thank you!!! I was little afraid I was going to get backlash with this posting!!!
Honestly I'm not a good candidate to be a father.
What can I say!!! Shit happens!
OH GOD! DEAR!!! that picture of Ricky!!! Gay daddy! SOOO CLEVER! Hysterical!!!!
Adaption is a very complex process, indeed. Much more complex than adoption!
Loved it!
LOL! Blackout! You found my misspelling again!
LOL
Another masterpiece, Z Bitch, I do declare you have a way with words!
Despite what you say I have a sneaking suspicion that you would be an excellent parent. Just a hunch, but in my observations of friends with children often the best parents are the ones who underestimated their parental skills the most. Just say'in.
Oh, my gawd. You missed one. Dopey kids pick their own clothes and they are so bad at it.
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