Hit the bottom and touched the shit!!!!

It was a great morning on Fire Island. Weather was not so hot and not so humid. After a vodka-soaked weekend I decided to jog on the boardwalk, Hey Hello Bitches! This skinny body doesn't come like a gift bag, I do have to make effort to mantain it . Anyway It was 9.30 am. (Just couple hours before official cocktail hour) I started jogging on the boardwalk. It is always awesome to jog on the island. Being surrounded by all those pine trees, fresh air and deers feels just wonderful, although some deers have rotten skins and look gross. Not to mention lime disease!!! But envoirment looks so magical. Anyway I was running like a horse to keep my tiny little waist in shape. I was detoxing every drop of vodka soda I had had over the weekend. After 20 minutes I was on main boardwalk which was called Fire Island boulevard running as fast as I could. I got distracted by a group of hot guys. While I was smiling to them, I kept running and listening Pussycat dolls on my ipod. Suddenly I kinda saw something!!! OMG! There was a big pile of dog shit on my way. Is that a candid camera??!!

It was too late to stop. In order to avoid doggie shit on my $99.99 pumas I turned slightly right while my right leg was on the air. My right leg landed to boardwalk in a very wrong poistion. My ankled hit the boardwalk hard. Aaaww!!! It hurt!!!! My left foot got the air at the same time. I lost my balance. To stop my butt hit the boardwalk, I put my right hand down painfully. My left hand was still in the air. My butt hit the bottom. Ouuccch!! Unknowingly I put my right hand to the boarwalk. DAMN IT!! Shit happened! My palm was on top of doggie shit.

I felt something soft, slightly dry and awfully bad smell. I screamed “ Eeeewww!”. All sort of thoughts went through in my head in couple of seconds. Thoughts like” Cholera!!! Stinks! My manicure! Could I get doggie STDs??” I couldn’t stop it and my left hand sank in the shit. All my nails, fingers and palm were covered with poop. I just wanted to die. Kept screaming“ Eewww!!! Eeeww!! Eeeww!” Of course hot gay guys were passing me. They were cracking up. Look at me! I’m sitting on the boardwalk. My ass hurts! Most possibly my ankle was fractured! Annnndd my left hand was in the deep shit! ME!!! Internet celebrity Z!!!! Finally hit the bottom! Well! Kardashian sisters put mayonese on their vajayjay! Z puts dog shit on his hand! So A list!!!

I tried to put myself together. I turned and moved my butt to the right. Aaaww! F*ck it! I accidently sat on a nail on the boardwalk.Great! That was I just needed!! PENETRATION! Finally I managed to get up

and ran to my house. My hand was smelling like a bad ass. I was in a state of panick!! OMG! WTF!. I was making all sort of funny faces because of the disgusting smell of poop. STINKS!! I mean! COME ON REALLY!! F*cking dog shit his brain out. Even I can't poop that big!!!

When I got the house, my boyfriend saw me “ What happened?!!” I answered franticly “ OMG! OMG! Shit! Shit!!” He got panicked " What??!! WHAT HAPPENED?" I said " I touched big pile of dog shit" He was like " OH! LOL! Have a drink!" I ran up to bathroom, grabed my tooth brush, bulged liquid soap on my hand. I started brushing and washing my hand , my nails. I wanted to peel my skin. And then I ran to kitchen and washed my hand with vodka. Vodka kills all kind of germs. (That's what Russians believe) I was hysterical, frantic. I took me couple of hours to calm myself.

OH WELL! What can i say!!! First time shit was in my hands!!

Click here to read " Sleeping pills & my blondie"

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Coming soon!! To the guy who forgot to pick up his dog's shit from boardwalk!! FUCK YOU!