Last week right after work, I had to go an exhibition opening party in Upper West Side. I had had really and extremely tense day at the office. Thanks to freakish economy! Unusual things have been happening at work. Of course in order to keep my job, I have been doing to do unusual things. That's been said! You can imagine how exhausted and drained I was. Not to mention, my seasonal allergies were having big time party in my little precious body. My eyes were so itchy. My tiny, beautiful nose was running like waterfall. I was coughing from my deeper lower lungs. I can hear, you are asking " WTF! Why are you going to opening party? Go home popped the pill and sleep!!" NO! I can't do that. I have to show my pretty face at certain events. BITCH! It is not easy being Z!
Anyway because of my new recession rules, I decided to take the subway. Baby! I have been economizing! No cabs before midnight for me! I have to save money!!! Besides instead of paying $14 cab ride I can buy more drinks!!!
Subway was packed. It was "freaking" peak hour. We were like sardines in a box. My itchy eyes were bothering me. Crowd was extremely irritating. Well! It was like bunch of jaded New Yorkers were jammed in a little car. Certainly I was not in a good mood. I felt so dizzy and weak. I needed to sit, but damn subway was so stuffed. I couldn't even move like half inch. And then something happened. I coughed deeply. I coughed repeatedly. All of a sudden I realized people were covering their mouths with their hands. So many people had scared impressions on their face. Couple of people tried to get away from me. I was so annoyed at first. My throat was so itchy. I had to cough again. More people started to walk to the other side of the car. They were huffing and puffing!!
I got angry. I said myself " WTF!! Do they think I have swine flu ?" OMG! Seriously they were thinking I had swine flu. I said myself " People are so sensitive! Let's play with their fears " I coughed again! People were freaking out. I forced myself to cough. I coughed three times back to back. Last cough was a good one! Even I let little spit go on someone's leather jacket! Brilliant!!! Literally people started walking away from me. Suddenly I had emptiness and more space around me. The guys sitting behind me left their seats. I was so happy to get a seat. To keep them away from me I kept coughing back to back.
After one stop new people got on the subway. I coughed again, new people walked away too. I was having a lovely time. I spread my legs on the seat. I put my earplugs on and started to listening music. I was singing. When ever I saw someone getting closer to me, I coughed. They ran away. (I'm a genuis!!) . F*ck cabs! I HAVE MY OWN CAR!!! Finally I arrived my stop. I got up and walked to the door. People exactly panicked. They were mumbling and covering their faces. I got off subway. I was cracking up!!! It was a great ride. I had so much FUN. I LOVE this SWINE FLU-MANIA. !!!.
HEY PEOPLE get a grip! Not every coughing human has swine flu!!! RELAX! Why do you care? You are going to die anyway!
Click here to read " NYC Subway & Ass bleaching! WTF?!!"
Click here to read " NYC Subway & Ass bleaching! WTF?!!"
3 TALK TO Z! COMMENT?:
I'm so using this!
Z bitch! ~ you are one clever monkey.
Loved it for timely brilliance~
I love this! You are funny. A few years ago, I made my then 15 year old son ride a Greyhound bus to Atlanta- about a 6 hour drive. I thought, "Hey, I used to ride the bus. It builds character." Demographics have changed since my youth in the midwest and he had an extremely unpleasant trip down. He was crammed in between people and was kind of harassed. On the trip back, his solution was to sit with his head angled and have a vacant, sling blade kind of stare, almost drooling a little and making some random sounds. No one sat by him. I like how you were at first offended by their reaction and then realized you could use it to your advantage.
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