Dear Vodka,
I’m divorcing you. You have been abusing me for so long. Our relationship must end. You made me do things I normally would not have done. We have very long history together. I still remember the day I met you. I was 16 years old. I was living with my family back then. One day I was by myself in the house. You were in my mother’s china cabinet at the top shelf next to scotch & gin bottles. You winked me! Don’t deny it!! You did it very slutty way. I poured you in a crystal glass. I added ice & soda to you just like big guys had done in the movies. I loved you so much! You tasted so good! I loved the feeling when you were in me. That was the day you popped my cherry. After that I sneaked and had more of you till that bottle finished. My mother realized what I had been doing. She grounded me for a month. After one year I passed 18 years old, I was able to buy you from liquor store. Our relationship got hotter. We were so in love. Remember those years! Mostly you made puke & get bl
ackout regularly. I was not gay back then or I was in denial. Once night I started kissing a girl at the bar. I had been drinking you heavily. Things got kinky between me & that girl. (She was a slut anyway!!) I went to her place. We started kissing & playing. Things started getting hazy around me. The rest I don’t remember. I woke up on her naked body with puke around my mouth & on her belly button. That was the only change I could have seen actual pussy!!!! You took it away from me.
How about 9 years ago I met the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. You made believe he was so handsome too. I don’t even recall his name. Let’s call him John. You
were of course in me (lots of you). You took my judgement away. The next morning I woke up with a strong shit smell. There was size XXXL men's underwear with skit marks on my face. I pulled off that stinky underwear from my face. There was John next to me in the bed. He was fully naked. Two used condoms were hanging on his stomach. He was not even good looking. He had a big fat tummy covered with hair. He was snoring like an elephant. His armpit hair were grossly long. His penis was itty-bitty. He had even one gold tooth. OH! Dear Vodka! How could you do this to me?!! I thought he was so hot. It turned out he was the ugliest person I have ever slept.
Over the years I have never cheated on you. I have never been into tequila or gin. I was so loyal to you. We had threesomes, foursomes occasionally with tonic, cranberry juice and sometimes orange juice. Not to mention I lost my best college girlfriend because of you. You did a terrible thing!! Because of your bad influence I slept with her boyfriend. It was definitely not my fault. She was away. We were doing jello shots. Too much sugar made his dick hard. Who knewww! That hunk had a big one! Although I have to admit, that was a great sex. He became a high class hooker in the bed. Also It was your fault that hunk got drunk and told her everything. She literally spitted on me. Shame on you vodka!!!
Over all those years I had so many different flavors of you. Strawb
erry, pear, raspberry!! The best one was the black vodka. When I took black you in me, it felt so good. It was thick, rich flavor, full body. First it hurt my throat, because it was so thick, but later I learned how to suck THE BLACK in. As much as I love you and your different flavors, it is time to break up with you!!!
Before you ask, I have to mention. I have someone else in my life. I love him more. His name is red wine. Yes!! Red wine makes me fart and pee red following day. Who cares! I’m not getting crazy with him like you do to me. Red wine makes me calm and sleepy. It is time to say GOODBYE to you baby!
Sincerely
Z
I’m divorcing you. You have been abusing me for so long. Our relationship must end. You made me do things I normally would not have done. We have very long history together. I still remember the day I met you. I was 16 years old. I was living with my family back then. One day I was by myself in the house. You were in my mother’s china cabinet at the top shelf next to scotch & gin bottles. You winked me! Don’t deny it!! You did it very slutty way. I poured you in a crystal glass. I added ice & soda to you just like big guys had done in the movies. I loved you so much! You tasted so good! I loved the feeling when you were in me. That was the day you popped my cherry. After that I sneaked and had more of you till that bottle finished. My mother realized what I had been doing. She grounded me for a month. After one year I passed 18 years old, I was able to buy you from liquor store. Our relationship got hotter. We were so in love. Remember those years! Mostly you made puke & get bl
ackout regularly. I was not gay back then or I was in denial. Once night I started kissing a girl at the bar. I had been drinking you heavily. Things got kinky between me & that girl. (She was a slut anyway!!) I went to her place. We started kissing & playing. Things started getting hazy around me. The rest I don’t remember. I woke up on her naked body with puke around my mouth & on her belly button. That was the only change I could have seen actual pussy!!!! You took it away from me.How about 9 years ago I met the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. You made believe he was so handsome too. I don’t even recall his name. Let’s call him John. You
were of course in me (lots of you). You took my judgement away. The next morning I woke up with a strong shit smell. There was size XXXL men's underwear with skit marks on my face. I pulled off that stinky underwear from my face. There was John next to me in the bed. He was fully naked. Two used condoms were hanging on his stomach. He was not even good looking. He had a big fat tummy covered with hair. He was snoring like an elephant. His armpit hair were grossly long. His penis was itty-bitty. He had even one gold tooth. OH! Dear Vodka! How could you do this to me?!! I thought he was so hot. It turned out he was the ugliest person I have ever slept.Over the years I have never cheated on you. I have never been into tequila or gin. I was so loyal to you. We had threesomes, foursomes occasionally with tonic, cranberry juice and sometimes orange juice. Not to mention I lost my best college girlfriend because of you. You did a terrible thing!! Because of your bad influence I slept with her boyfriend. It was definitely not my fault. She was away. We were doing jello shots. Too much sugar made his dick hard. Who knewww! That hunk had a big one! Although I have to admit, that was a great sex. He became a high class hooker in the bed. Also It was your fault that hunk got drunk and told her everything. She literally spitted on me. Shame on you vodka!!!
Over all those years I had so many different flavors of you. Strawb
erry, pear, raspberry!! The best one was the black vodka. When I took black you in me, it felt so good. It was thick, rich flavor, full body. First it hurt my throat, because it was so thick, but later I learned how to suck THE BLACK in. As much as I love you and your different flavors, it is time to break up with you!!!Before you ask, I have to mention. I have someone else in my life. I love him more. His name is red wine. Yes!! Red wine makes me fart and pee red following day. Who cares! I’m not getting crazy with him like you do to me. Red wine makes me calm and sleepy. It is time to say GOODBYE to you baby!
Sincerely
Z
5 TALK TO Z! COMMENT?:
This is a sad, sad day.
Vodka's a slut anyway. I've been doing vodka for years now.
That's why I'm divorcing that slut!!!
This was a classic Z post.
This is very true. Vodka creates many problems here. My sister came to visit and I got her a bottle. She left some in it and went home. That little bit of vodka called my name. The next thing I know is my bf hates me. He started a nasty name calling fight. I think it was the fault of the vodka. It must have whispered incendiary things to him when he opened the freezer. Vodka will always tell lies. I felt too sad to go to work because of the evil that vodka brings. I don't have a hangover, just sadness.
I came across this post randomly, but bloody hilarious :)
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